My story starts on a crisp Sunday morning in September. I was lying in bed feeling ill and listening to the wind throwing heavy raindrops against the glass window of my bedroom. The sound of the raindrops was adding background music to my morning as I was browsing through the internet, scrolling past hundreds of beautiful facebook posts and instagram pictures. Although looking through these posts and pictures made me feel grateful for the happiness of those others whose lives I was looking at -both friends’ and strangers’- and although these posts even felt inspiring to a certain extent, as I was browsing there was also a small feeling of discontent for my own life that was creeping up slowly from the pit of my stomach and into my heart. That morning, I couldn’t help but devalue my own life at least a little at the expense of my own satisfaction.

We live in a world that feeds entirely off of dissatisfaction.  Pressures of society are in a constant state of demanding improvement and we are taunted always by the need  to  upgrade, advance, refine, and enhance ourselves and our lives. The whole of humanity lives in the shadow of expectation.  Simply being content with our imperfect  and messy selves would not satisfy the world and its demand for constant superfluous consumerism. If I felt pretty enough, why would I feel tempted by commercials of beautiful women advertising fashionable clothing and trendy makeup when my closet is otherwise full?  If I felt savvy enough, why would I spend energy searching for the newest and smartest life hacks online when my life is sufficiently functional just the way it is? If I felt stylish enough, why would I feel an urge to drive the fanciest car when an old one could get me from point A to B just as efficiently? If I felt satisfied with my life in its current state, why would I spend hours musing my shortcomings and exploring material paths toward improvement instead of spending that time appreciating and loving my current life and the ones in it?

Now, I am not saying that having  a strong drive for improvement is not a valuable asset to be in possession of.  Striving for improvement and betterment has throughout history (and continues to be) the foundation of innovation and ingenuity, both of which are entirely honorable and necessary pursuits to individuals as well as to society and humanity as a whole. I do wonder however what the possibilities of complete contentment with mediocrity would be, and what the results could be if we were to start living our lives more authentically and genuinely instead of pretentiously. Instead of living in a constant state of discontent, always searching for joy on the greener grass of the ever elusive meadow in the distance I believe that, although difficult, it is possible to refocus our search for happiness, moving our lens from the distance to the base of our feet. Finding happiness where we stand- even if we stand imperfectly.

Although contentment might not drive business or consumerism in any of its forms, contentment drives happiness. Although I have no intention to stop browsing the internet and being inspired by the things I find, I do have my full intentions set on simplifying and minimizing both my life and expectations. Although I want to remember the grandiose moments of life- the kinds of events one finds pictures of or posts about on other social platforms here on the internet- I also want to remember the moments that lie in-between- the ones that are often overshadowed or forgotten. These in-between moments, these perfectly imperfect moments, are really the ones that define me. They are the moments that connect the dots and draw the lines between the grand moments of existence, and the ones that ultimately connect and perfect this crazy thing we call life. Without them we would be a disconnected mess of random and sporadic events. Most of life in fact lies in these moments- these moments in between.

So-

this blog is my attempt to capture these in-between moments in my life alongside the grandiose ones. This blog is my attempt to find and recognize beauty, satisfaction, contentment and happiness in my perfectly imperfect life. This blog is my desire to recognize that although I know I cannot be perfect, I can always be good. This blog is my attempt to add my voice to the choir of others,’ and although I know I may not be the best writer around I also know that it is true that “the woods would be quiet if no bird sang but the one that sang best” So this is my voice calling and singing out, adding to the symphony of the world. Even if hoarsely and faintly. These are the musings of a perfectionist trying to embrace average.

XOXO, A Passionate Perfectionist who is Embracing Average (or at least trying to).

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